DISCLAMER: (Yes, another one.) The Mormon Bachelorette is indeed real. Despite what some might think, this journey to find "true Mormon love" is sincere. So if you're going to question the credibility of Date #7, question the bachelor, not The Mormon Bachelorette. :) Enjoy!
Well that date didn't go anything like I imagined! Here I am getting ready for Date #7, daydreaming who might possibly be the man behind the door, wondering "Will he like me? Does my hair look okay? Will the conversation flow?" Of course none of that really mattered once I opened the door to find "The Mormon Stallion," Willford P. Swisher. You might recognize the name from a little blog he created to catch my attention: www.themormonstallion.blogspot.com. If not, I suggest you take a moment to look it over and familiarize yourself with this 30 something, Billings Montana cowboy.
I'll be honest, when I saw his video interview with Executive Producer Erin Elton, I thought the whole thing was a joke. This guy can't be for real, or can he? Unfortunately I found out the truth of the matter tonight at 8 when I opened the door. To my horror, there he was, standing on my porch, dressed in the most ridiculous outfit I've ever seen. And would you believe he tried to kiss me right from the get go? On the mouth? Who are you?
I guess for our date he planned this "romantic" bonfire on the beach near my house. Too bad for him, the fire pits were surrounded by cops! Tons of them! Busy strip searching a couple of hoodlums and tearing apart their car. Not a great way to start off a first date if you ask me. I probably should've taken it as a sign and did a stop drop and roll out the door. Any pain I might have incurred would surely be far less than enduring the rest of the date with this guy. But stay I did. Probably because as we continued down the coast we noticed an entourage of camera crews filming the latest episode of 90210 at The Hyatt. I don't even watch the show but I can tell you this much, it was certainly the highlight of my night!
So listen, it gets worse. He starts a fire, hands me a Vanilla Cream Soda and after toasting to "eternity" (don't worry, I spit my swig out when no one was looking) he gets down on one knee and asks me "Will you do the honor of waking me up every morning with a sweet, sweet kiss?" Are you kidding me? Get away from me creepster! This is where most girls would run away crying but again, I stayed. Maybe because I'm a nice girl, but probably just because I was hoping to get a glimpse of Ryan Eggold across the street. Either way, it was a bad decision.
As we walked down the beach he actually made me hold his hand. But wait, it gets worse. While he's gripping my hand so tightly I swear my knuckles have gone white, this girl bumps into us. But oh no, she's not just "some girl," she's his GIRLFRIEND! The creep has a GIRLFRIEND? This chick was something else! While the two of them battled it out I slipped out of there and called Erin Elton to take me home. Thank goodness she was just across the bridge getting some pointers from Dave Sachs.
I recapped the whole thing to Erin on the drive home and she and I agreed, there will be NO second date for Willford P. Swisher. Have fun "churnin' butter" with your girlfriend, Wilford! Jerk.